User:Er1c1996/Sandbox/Story:The Raimi Adventures

This is a direct archive of the AI Dungeon story that spawned several of the pages in the sandbox related to Marvel characters.

Story

You are the master of a dungeon full of traps. You spend your days luring heroes to your dungeon, then killing them using your deadly and unique traps.

The trap you have set for this hero is simple: he must enter through one of two doors.

> You trigger the spike pit trap.

You didn't set this trap, but you know it was a popular one in ancient times. You hear the screaming of your victim through the thick stone walls.

You hear his friends rushing down the hallway toward him.

> You trigger the poison dart trap on the friends.

A series of poison darts are fired into the necks of the friends, killing them one by one in seconds.

> You wait for the next hero to enter the dungeon.

You wait for many days, striking down heroes with flamethrowers and machine guns.

One day, a very small hero enters through the other door.

> You trigger the Jay Leno trap.

This trap is a large joke by the dark whimsical mind of the dungeon. A hologram of Jay Leno appears, causing the hero to die of laughter.

> You wait for the next hero.

These last days are harder than the past ones. The hero that enters the room is a tank. He wields a huge rifle that could destroy the entire dungeon in one shot.

> You trigger the Tobey Maguire trap.

You snap your fingers as the room disappears, and is replaced by a movie set. Photographic images of you appear alongside Tobey. The hero appears in a Spider Man costume, though he isn't acting like Spider Man. Instead, he runs around as fast as his legs can pump.

> You realize you are on the set of Spider-Man 4.

The hero bounces around and tackles you, throwing you up and... They film a brief sequence of you starring as Uncle Ben before killing you.

Your enter seemed promising at first glance, but was ultimately terrible.

> You wait for the film to come out in theaters, and go to the red carpet event.

You wait for the months of shooting, special effects, and final mixing.

You have no intention of cosplaying as Russell Crowe, so you just order a suit from Amazon which gets to your house in two days. With these pants and this shirt, you match the wallpaper Russell stands against in one of the few promotional images released by film companies so as to not spoil the movie for audiences.

> You go to the red carpet premiere, dressed as Russell Crowe.

Holy, Shit. This - is just awe inspiring. The lights! The Crowd! The MAGIC!

> You go inside and watch Spider-Man 4.

Once inside the movie theater it's exactly like one of those dreams, you know the kind with enough imagination and cops around that no one can ticket you?

This is that dream, except real. Except better.

> You watch the movie, recapping the plot in your head.

In the near future, ageing detective Peter Parker comes up against fabulous claw-swinging foe Aleksei Sytsevich. Aleksei (played by Russell Crowe) tag teams with disgraced scientist Martin Wells (played by Topher Grace), using mind-controlling technology.

> You remember Topher Grace previously played Eddie Brock in Spider-Man 3, and question why he is playing a different character.

Topher once played Eddie Brock in the blockbuster Spider-Man 3. Due to bad previous experiences, he wanted to be known solely as an actor and distance himself from this characterization of the villainous character. Interesting, then, that he once again is playing a villain in the new Spider-Man movie.

> You continue to recall the plot of Spider-Man 4.

Wells found a piece of Mind-Metal in the rubble after Aleksei dropped a brief case of it when Spidey ruined what could have been an easy mugging he and The Kiss attempted.

> You say "Who is The Kiss?"

The Kiss is a cirque du soleil performer kidnapped and given a canister of the mind-control gas, causing her to act crazy around men in an attempt to seduce and charm them into not suspecting she is using her mental powers to somehow get them to give into her whims.

It is later revealed The Kiss never touches anyone due too the erogenous role play and just blows kisses or feigns these shenanigans...

> You watch as Wells, The Kiss, and Aleksi team up against Spider-Man.

These groups conspire to build a new world order through an airborne Mind-Control Noz causing people in Midtown to act coked out and erratic.

Suddenly, in a moment of complete shock to you, Tony Stark (portrayed by Jeff Bridges), Steve Rogers (played by Chris Evans), Lynda Carter (portrayed by Shakira), Jennifer Lawrence (portrayed by Gwenyth Paltrow) all grow old rapidly and succumb to the villain's will after being seduced back into evil through heavy romantic mojo and blown kisses.

> You say "What is The Kiss's normal name?"

Juliet Mercado has an interesting story.

> You read the Marvel Wiki's page on "The Kiss (Juliet Mercado)"

The Wikipedia page reads as follows:

"Juliet Mercado, also known by the name The Kiss, was a Cirque Du Soleil performer until Aleksei Sytsevich forced here into delaying working on a new project and instead working on a prototype exoskeleton, fitted with sinister mind-bending technological gas from the newest Sam Raimi film, Army of Ghosts.

History

In Army of Ghosts, she is portrayed by Puerto Rican latina singer and actress, Olga organs. Born in Rio De Janeiro, she was trained and specilalizes in Lyra, Trapeze, Hand Balancing, Tricking, Motting etc.

> You decide to read the article for "Martin Wells (Earth-199999)"

"Martin Gerard Wells is a fictional scientist appearing in American comic books published by Marvel Comics.

He was a supporting character for the second volume of the series Ghost Rider, and has also made several appearances in other rolling titles.

He is portrayed by Topher Grace in Sam Raimi's film Spider-Man: Army of Ghosts.

History

Wells was already a scientific genius before even attending college where he studied nuclear physics at least 3 years ahead of any class.

> You decide to read the article for "Jennifer Lawrence (Earth-199999)"

Jennifer Shrader Lawrence born August 15, 1990, Beautiful Jennifer Lawrence was the entitled American heir daughter to America's illustrious acting talents Martin and Sacha Lawrence.

In Sam Raimi's film Army of Ghosts, she is portrayed by Gwenyth Paltrow.

History

The oldest of four siblings in a world-renowned family of native Americans actors collectively known as the Lawrence Family, Jennifer understands both the benefits as well as burdens that her legacy comes bundled with.

> You ask where Juliet Mercado was born.

She was born and raised in Buenos Aires, Argentina where her partly Spanish born mother did television commercials for bakery and games while her military general turned politician father continued to work in the industry doing occasional voice-over streets.

> You look up the ending to Army of Ghosts.

Suddenly, Spider-Man realizes that the villains successes are because the crazy random aging affects everyone regardless of allegiance. All while Raimi adds a scene where Norman angrily yells "Vidic stole my finale!" at a poster.

> You say "How does Spider-Man defeat Aleksei?"

Feeling bad, Spider-Man gives Iron Man and Thor a quip to cushion their fall before they dust. Soon all the heroes are nearly eradicated, but after breaching chambers to study the objects and chasing Raimi and his minions to a jet plane and wrapping them up with webbing, Spider-Man realizes that the villains have already switched out old canisters of the gas for ordinary air, ironically setting themselves free. The experimentation labs safely blow up and Iron Man commands his companions to take a credits roll as even he begins to rapidly age.

> You say "Who plays Thor in this?"

Despite aging and heavily wrinkled, Kenneth Branagh grumpily agrees to reprise his role.

> You decide to look up the article for "Aleksei Sytsevich"

Aleksei, also known as the "Hammer of Hell" and the "Red Devil" is one of the main antagonists of Sam Raimi's Spider-Man: Army of Ghosts. His full name is Aleksei Mikhailovich Sytsevich. He was portrayed by Russell Crowe.

History

A former second-generation Russian mafia hitman who, after the fall of the Soviet Union, was hired as an enforcer for hire by Crimson Dawn. He became infamous in Moscow, St. Petersburg and Vladivostok for his brutality, leading to him being known as the "Red Devil" and gained a reputation as the most feared hitman in all of Eastern Europe. By the year 2020, he had become an operative for Crimson Dawn and was sent by leader Johann "The Boss" Blazkowicz to New York City to continue research on mind-control technology. He was sent to the Osborn Corporation and took over the research from the now-unemployed staff there. He was successful enough to create an army of loyal slaves to the will of Crimson Dawn.

> You say "Who plays Norman in Army of Ghosts?"

James Purefoy takes over the role of Norman.

> You say "And what about J. J. Jameson?"

As always, J.K. Simmons portrays the role of J.J. Jameson.

> You decide to call Sam Raimi and ask him if the rumors about Tobey and Andrew Garfield's return are true.

"Hello?"

"Hi. I heard rumors that you're planning a fourth film, starring the return of Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield as Spider-Man.

> You say "Is it true?"

"Well...it's complicated."

"Tell me about it. I've been following the production of these films for years now."

"So you know about Spider-Man 4?"

"Yeah.

> You say "But I'm talking about the new Tom Holland Spider-Man."

"Yeah, that's true.

"How does that make it complicated?"

"Well, the two films are set in different continuities."

"And how is that going to work?"

"We're planning a crossover."

"A crossover?"

"Yeah. It's going to be confusing, but it'll work.

> You say "So which characters will be returning?"

"Most of them. The ones from the Raimi films are already confirmed to return, as well as most of the Amazing set.

"Who will be appearing in it?"

"Just about everyone. Hell, we're getting Uma Thurman to return as May."

"Wasn't Aunt May played by Rosemary Harris?"

"Yeah, but for some reason she doesn't want to return."

"Who else is confirmed?

"Hmmm...Sam Jackson is coming back as Nick Fury."

"Who else?"

"Jake Gyllenhall is going to return as Mysterio."

"What?

> You say "That's pretty cool. "

"Yeah, it's pretty neat.

"Who else?"

"Drake Bell is going to return as Spider-Man's friend, Harry Osborn."

"Um... wasn't he played by James Franco?"

"Yeah, but he's too damn old to play a high school student again. God knows how old Maguire is going to be playing Spidey."

"It sounds like you're reaching a bit."

> You say "So... out of all of the Raimi characters the only returning actor is Alfred Molina?"

"Yeah. Don't worry. We're casting some new people in those roles."

"OK...

> You say "Who is the big bad villain?"

"Well, that's another complicated matter."

"How so?"

"The new film won't have a main villain.

> You say "What about Aleksei?"

"Well, he's technically the main villain of the first two acts.

"So he's not in the third act?"

"No."

"Who is the final boss then?"

"It's complicated.

> You say "TELL ME!"

"The third act will feature a brand new villain!"

"Who is it?"

"You'll see in two years! God damn it, I'm a fucking genius!"

> You say "Tell me now"

"OK, OK! Don't get mad!

"We're casting Nicolas Cage as the new main villain!"

"Nicolas Cage?"

"Yeah. He's great, isn't he?"

> You say "What character is he playing?"

"He's going to play a Spider-Man villain called 'The Face'!"

"A new one?"

"Yeah! We're making him up!

> You say "If his villain name is 'The Face,' what's the character's real name?"

"We don't know yet."

"You guys are fucking idiots."

"Thank you!"

> You say "Come up with a name right now."

"OK, OK! Jeez! His name is Dr. Jason Tersant!"

"I like it."

"Who cares what you think?"

"Just keep going.

> You say "Tell me his backstory."

"You don't need one. He's a brilliant scientist and master of disguise! He's obsessed with his looks and wants to turn everyone into... pretty people!"

"I don't get it.

"His backstory isn't important for the movie!"

"Make one up right now.

"He was a normal-looking person who wanted to be more like the celebrities he admired. So he became a plastic surgeon and started giving his clients... enhancements."

"His own backstory is really stupid."

> You say "So, what, does he appear in the Army of Ghosts post-credit scene?"

"Yes, he's the main villain of Spider-Man 5!"

"What about Aleksei?"

"We won't have enough money to hire him."

> You say "What happens in the ending to Aleksei? After the gas canisters are replaced with ordinary air?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing at all?"

"They walk away."

"That's it?"

"Yeah. They walk away."

"Last question... what happens with The Face in the post-credits scene?"

"He's the main villain in Spider-Man 5!"

"OK."

"Cool. This is all I need! Thanks, kid!"

"Raimi... Now I remember you. You're Spidey's director. Tells me you're brilliant. He also tells me you're lazy."

"Lazy?"

"Yeah. He tells me that you want to rush through this movie as fast as you can."

"He's right."

"Brilliant, but lazy," you repeat with a smile.

And the moral of the story is: sometimes, the best way to make a good movie is to have a brilliant but lazy man direct it.

THE END