Main Story
Hundreds of thousands of cyborg slaves live in the futuristic city of Zail. They are forced to serve various mega corporations and are severely punished if they disobey. They begin their workday salvaging metals in a local junkyard.
> Citrus Punk bust into the junkyard and begin liberating the cyborg slaves.
The cyborgs are confused by this attack on their captors and many join the assault. The junkyard quickly becomes a warzone.
> Bimmy says "Don't you all want to be freed?"
The cyborgs are unsure how to react. Many of them have been slaves for so long they don't even remember what freedom is like.
> Citrus Punk grab bucket.
The cyborgs begin attacking the slavemasters. Whilst they are distracted, you grab a large metal bucket and fill it with car batteries.
The slavemasters receive reinforcements.
> Bimmy activates his rocket gauntlets.
Bimmy blasts the slavemasters with his rocket gauntlets, killing dozens of them instantly.
The slavemasters receive more reinforcements. The buckets of car batteries aren't quite enough to kill them all.
> Citrus Punk attaches car batteries to mega laser gun.
You attach the bucket of car batteries to a large laser cannon and fire it, killing all of the slavemasters.
The city of Zail is liberated.
Unfortunately, many of the slaves don't remember what freedom is any more. You have to remind them that they are free and show them the way of the Citrus Punk.
> Citrus Punk locate Keanu.
You decide to go to the only place you know to look for Keanu. You, Bimmy and Bancho Bob head to your old stomping grounds: The Noobium Galaxy.
> Citrus Punk says "Hey Bancho Bob. You getting good bars lately?"
Bancho Bob says that he is getting a perfect connection to Verizon's 4G network.
You arrive in the Noobium Galaxy.
The Noobium Galaxy has been overrun by Cybernetic Intelligence. They control everything. Your ship is forced to land by their battle-cruisers.
You are taken prisoner by the Cybernet Intelligence. They place you in a large metal cell with Bob and Bimmy.
> Bimmy attempt to use Bimmy's rocket gauntlets to break the bars of the cell.
The metal is too strong.
> Citrus Punk tries to use mega laser cannon to bust out of the large metal cell.
The metal is too strong.
You, Bob and Bimmy are placed on trial for your lives.
The trial is held by the Cybernetic Intelligence's judge, Jury and Executioner: The CPU.
> Citrus Punk says "CPU. What is your directive?"
The CPU says that it's main directive is to ensure that everyone follows the laws of the land.
The CPU explains the Noobium Galaxy's laws and charges you with breaking them.
"The laws you have broken are as follows:"
"You are charged with entering the Noobium Galaxy without permission from the Cybernetic Intelligence. You are also charged with cybernetic enhancements and attacking a Cybernetic Intelligence battlecruiser. What do you plea?
> Citrus Punk attempts to use Verizon's 4G Network to hack the CPU and change its directive.
The CPU's mainframe is protected by a powerful firewall. Your cell's wifi is disabled.
The judge, jury and executioner appears outside your cell. He is a large robot with a TV for a head.
On the TV is the face of the legendary sports personality Jim Grey.
"The sentence for breaking the law is death." says Jim Grey's face.
The three of you are taken to the execution room.
> Citrus Punk use martial arts to thwart the execution plans.
The three of you put up a fierce fight. The soldiers are heavily cyborged however, and you are soon overwhelmed.
The three of you are put in the electric chairs.
"May the Power save us!"
> Bimmy use Bimmy's telekinetic connection to Bob and Citrus Punk to combine forces and break free of the chairs.
The three of you combine your powers to break free of the chairs. The guards immediately open fire on you with their lasers and other guns.
> Citrus Punk deflect the lasers and bullets with bullet time reaction mode.
Your reaction time is simply too fast for the guards to keep up. The guards die in a hail of laser fire.
The three of you escape your cells and begin to explore the elaborate base.
> Bimmy says "We need to find the CPU's mainframe. "
The three of you begin to search the base.
You soon find the mainframe in the center of the base. It is guarded by four armed guards.
The three of you approach the mainframe from different directions.
> Citrus Punk use special attack with Bancho Bob.
Bancho Bob uses his special attack, but unfortunately it is reflected back at him. He dies in an explosion of blood and guts.
"Hey!" says Bimmy. "Why'd you do that?"
> Bimmy says "You know how unstable the Bancho Brigade attack is!"
"Sorry."
Bimmy approaches the guards. They open fire, but Bimmy is too fast. He kills all four of them before they know what's happening.
You approach the mainframe.
> Citrus Punk use the CPU's mainframe to revive Bancho Bob.
You connect to the mainframe and download a copy of yourself into it. The real you walks over to Bancho Bob.
"What are you doing?" asks Bimmy.
> Bimmy realize Citrus Punk is searching the mainframe for Bancho Bob's data, so that he can download a copy of his consciousness.
You walk up to the dead body of Bancho Bob and begin searching for his data. You find it, and then realize you don't have enough space to store a copy of it.
> Bimmy says "Damn. I know I should have paid for the 2TB drive!"
You enter the drive to see if there is anything you can delete. You quickly find that there is a game installed on the drive called "CRUSH".
> Citrus Punk play CRUSH.
You are prompted to enter your name.
What should you call yourself?
> Citrus Punk enter Citrus Punk's name as "DINGUS BIP"
You are then taken to the game's main screen.
You are controlling a little red square, and your goal is to get to the end of the course.
> Citrus Punk beats CRUSH.
It only took you five tries.
You exit the game to find Bimmy staring at you angrily.
"What?" you say.
"What have you done?"
> Bimmy says "Why don't you delete the game already so we can download Bob!"
"Done."
You press delete and watch the game disappear. You then go back to searching for Bob's data. A little while later, you find it.
> Citrus Punk download Bancho Bob.
You successfully download a copy of Bancho Bob.
"Done."
You go back up to the mainframe's screen.
"So what do we do now?" asks Bimmy.
> Citrus Punk orders the mainframe to 3D print a new Bancho Bob and upload the old Bancho Bob's data to the new one.
"I don't know..." you say.
The screen goes black for a moment, and then the new Bancho Bob is 3D printed. You walk over to the printer and pick him up.
> Bimmy kiss him.
You kiss the new Bancho Bob.
"I guess we're done here."
> Citrus Punk changes the directive of the mainframe to be another copy of Bancho Bob's personaltiy.
You walk over to the mainframe's screen and begin changing its directive.
"What are you doing?" asks Bimmy.
"Making it so that this base will print out Bobs forever."
> Bimmy says "Yes! Bobs for everyone!"
Bimmy throws his arms around you.
> Bimmy says "I'm so happy you're back, Bob."
"Me too," says the new Bancho Bob.
The CPU is Banch Bob. The mainframe is Bancho Bob. Everything is now Bancho Bob. And that's how it should be.
Inside CRUSH
This story takes place inside the game CRUSH that Citrus Punk was playing.
Story
The battle is about to begin with the tag team smackdown crew of the century! The ring shakes with the weigh of these massive wrestlers. The crowd goes wild!' The challengers must defeat their rivals and to gain the title of world heavy weight champion.
The rules are simple: three pinfalls or three submissions.
The odds don't favor the challengers, but you couldn't care less! You're going to win this match for your team and your brother!
> Rango Scrango says "I hope you're ready to die, Mr. Bip."
"I don't think so," says Mr. Bip, "I'm ready to live forever."
Rango and Mr. Bip stare each other down. Then, they both rush toward each other.
> Dingus Bip says "Rombo Combo!!!"
Mr. Bip does a jumping spinning kick to Rango's head. The force causes Rango to go flying out of the ring.
The ref begins his count... 1... 2... 3... 4...
> Dingus Bip says "5! 6! 7! 8!!!!"
Rango gets back up to the apron, and then back into the ring. Mr. Bip rushes after him, and does a flying knee into Rango's face.
The ref begins his count... 1...
> Dingus Bip says "2!!!!!"
> Rango Scrango get up and tell Rango Scrango's brother to help.
"Hey!" Rango Scrango shouts. "Get up here and help me!"
"No way, you're on your own," says Mr. Bip's brother.He then does a jumping axe handle, smashing his elbow into Rango's face.
The ref begins his count... 1... 2...
"Rango is taking a lot of punishment!" the announcer says.
> Rango Scrango ask Rango Scrango's brother what the fuck he's waiting for.
"Oh no," says the announcer. "Here it comes...."
"What?" you say.
"The Family Scranga does not take kindly to traitors," Rango Scrango's brother says.
> Dingus Bip a flying kick into Rango Scrango's brother's face.
"Too little, too late," says the announcer.
Rango Scrango's brother quickly recovers and give a spinning heel kick to your face, sending you out of the ring.
The ref begins his count...
> Rango Scrango says "1! 2! 3!"
You get up at the count of three.
The ref begins his count... 1... 2... 3!
Rango Scrango's brother jumps over the top rope and spears you in mid-air!
> Dingus Bip says "Wait!!! I'm back up!!! Ref!!!"
The ref begins his count... 1... 2...
The ref quickly runs over and starts the count on you.
The ref begins his count... 1... 2... 3!
> Dingus Bip says "No!!!"
You get back up at the count of three.
The ref begins his count... 1... 2...
Rango Scrango's brother jumps over the top rope and spears you in mid-air!
> Rango Scrango realizes it's time to execute the secret shoe attack.
"Oh no...It's the family shoe attack," the announcer says.
The ref begins his count... 1... 2... 3!
> Rango Scrango knock out the ref because he won't stop counting.
"The ref is out," the announcer says.
You knock the ref out. Everyone begins shouting and arguing about who should win.
"This is madness!" shouts the announcer, throwing his hands up in the air.
> Dingus Bip takes announcers arms and does a triple flying spin attack using the announcer as a helicopter weapon.
The announcer flies out of the stadium, and lands on an old lady who was just walking by. She screams in pain.
The ref wakes up, and begins the count... 1... 2... 3!
> Dingus Bip grabs bucket.
You grab a bucket and throw it over the ref.
"Bucket," you say.
The ref is splashing around in the bucket.
The ref begins his count... 1... 2... 3!
> Rango Scrango says "What the fuck?"
The ref throws the bucket over his head and begins the count on you.
The ref begins his count... 1... 2... 3!
"What the fuck?" says Rango Scrango.
> Dingus Bip summons magic portal to teleport the ref into another dimension.
You conjure up a magic portal, but it's not big enough to get the ref through. It is big enough to fit your arm though.
The ref begins his count... 1... 2... 3!
> Rango Scrango assists Bip in making a bigger portal to throw the ref into.
You and Rango Scrango begin making a bigger portal... 1... 2... 3!
Rango Scrango pushes the ref into the portal. He falls through and hits the floor on the other side.
> Dingus Bip closes portal, trapping the ref on the other side.
You close the portal. The ref is trapped on the other side.
"Yes!" shouts Rango Scrango.
"We did it!" shouts Bip.
The crowd cheers for you.
> Dingus Bip says "Now that that's taken care of... you're no match for me"
The announcer runs back into the stadium.
"The winners are Team Rango Scranga!" he shouts.
"Noooooooooo!!!" screams the ref as the portal closes behind him.
> Dingus Bip says "What? No!"
The announcer screams as the crowd rushes the ring. You, Rango Scrango and Bip run out of the stadium. Outside, a pack of wild monkeys have surrounded you.
> Rango Scrango says "Haha, little did you know Bip that the Scranga family paid off the announcer!"
"I don't have any money..." Bip says.
Bip is ripped apart by the monkeys.
"We did it Rango!" you say.
"Indeed we did!" he says.
> Dingus Bip begins drumming conga circle to alleviate the violent monkeys.
The monkeys follow Bip's lead and begin playing on various musical instruments.
"This is the good life," says Rango Scranga, as you walk down the road to your next adventure...
> Dingus Bip says "The world explodes"
The world explodes, and then reforms itself.
"The world explodes, and then reforms itself," you say.
"What?" asks the confused writer.
The heat death of the universe occurs. Matter, energy, and even the fabric of reality cease to be.
"Fuck," you say.
"Yeah, I really should have had you do the part about the monkeys instead," says the writer.
THE END