Planet Eilaela (story): Difference between revisions

Planet Eilaela (story) (view source)

Revision as of 03:14, 21 June 2018

180 bytes added , 21 June 2018

→‎Chapter 1 - Prolouge

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@@ Line 316: / Line 316: @@
 Metal RavenCool: Divine... Solstice!
-In a green flash, the two disappear. Realizing his restraints were loosened from the blast, Wreck breaks free.
+In a yellow flash, the two disappear. Realizing his restraints were loosened from the blast, Wreck breaks free.
 Wreck:  Oh, Mist, got something for ya.
@@ Line 374: / Line 374: @@
 Vultro: My hands are tied.... I can't reach it!
-RavenCool walks over to Vultro, using her tail to reach his belt and grab the emerald.
+RavenCool walks over to Vultro, using her tail to reach his belt and grab the green emerald.
 RavenCool: I have no idea what is going to happen, so stay close and hang on!
@@ Line 382: / Line 382: @@
 RavenCool: Divine... SOLSTICE!
-The familiar green flash fills the room, and the two are whisked away.
+A familiar green flash fills the room, and the two are whisked away.
 Metal RavenCool: Did you hear that...?? Go check on the prisoners, and make sure you take that last Sol Emerald from the fox.
@@ Line 455: / Line 455: @@
 Metal RavenCool: Your connection with the Sol is strong. Stronger than any Mobian I've ever seen.
-Metal RavenCool has Wreck in a full nelson. Wreck struggles and breaks free from the hold.
+Metal RavenCool has her arms around Wreck's neck. With some effort, he breaks free of the hold.
 Wreck: Sol? What are you talking about? Hey wait… I know you...
@@ Line 465: / Line 465: @@
 Metal RavenCool: If I can't make you surrender, maybe taking your little girlfriend will! Divine... Sol!
-Metal RavenCool and Frankie disappear in a green flash.
+Metal RavenCool and Frankie disappear in a yellow flash.
-Wreck: '''''FRANKIE! ''[[NO!]]'''
+Wreck: '''''FRANKIE! ''NO!'''
 Tracker stumbles out of the nearby bushes, and looks around confusingly.
@@ Line 495: / Line 495: @@
 Red: When we need it, you'll give it back. Understand?
-The red hedgehog hands the red Sol Emerald to RavenCool.
+The red hedgehog hands the red Sol Emerald to RavenCool. RavenCool then embeds the stone into the perfectly-shaped slot on her chest plate, next to the green one she took from Vultro.
 Pink: We're we going now?
@@ Line 540: / Line 540: @@
 Penelope: Let's just go!
-*the heroes walk for miles in search of their lost friends*
+The heroes follow Spark for what seems like miles.
-Vultro: Are you sure you're going the right way, Spark...?
+Vultro: Are you sure you're going the right way, Spark?
 Penelope: We've been walking for like, FOREVER! When will we get there?
@@ Line 548: / Line 548: @@
 RavenCool: Thats it. I'm leading, we need a trained wolf nose for this.
-Tracker: How about you just let me, THE BLOODHOUND, handle it?
+Tracker: How about you just let me, THE BLOODY BLOODHOUND, handle it?
 Spark: Guys, stop teaming up on me. I'm trying my best...
-Penelope: Okay Spark, but let's follow RavenCool instead for a bit.
+Penelope pats Spark on the back.
-Shimmer: Yes, let's. *follows RavenCool too*
+Penelope: It's okay Spark, you're doing great, but let's follow RavenCool instead for a bit.
-Vultro: Wait RavenCool... should we split up? What if Spark is on to something.
+Shimmer: Yes, let's.
-RavenCool: *nods, but starts to catch the smell of a dragon/hedgehog* Shh! It's right on the tip of my nose...
+Vultro: Wait RavenCool... should we split up? What if Spark is actually on to something.
-Spark: I smell a cat. It might be someone I know as an enemy, it's NOT a friendly smell.
+RavenCool begins to nod, but stops with her head high in the air. She begins to sniff furiously.
-RavenCool: Well Spark, ''I'' smell a were-hog. That would be Lighting.
+RavenCool: Shh! It's right on the tip of my nose...
+Spark turns the other direction, taking a deep sniff of the air.
+Spark: I smell... something evil. Whatever it is, it's NOT a friendly smell.
+RavenCool: Well Spark, ''I'' smell a hedgecat. That would be Lighting.
 Shimmer: You guys are both good at smelling.
-Vultro: Spark? What direction is that cat smell coming from?
+Vultro: Spark? What direction is that bad smell coming from?
 Spark: The one I smell is coming from the northeast!
@@ Line 572: / Line 578: @@
 RavenCool: Well the one ''I'' smell is coming from the west.
-Tailsalyn: Hello, Whatcha doin'?
+Vultro: I said let's split up, Raven.
-Terry: (Fast, in a heavy accent) Lookin' fur a bunch-o-badduns with a bunch-o-mates and some gemmies.
-RavenCool: I don't think anyone understood that.
-Wreck: ...we are looking for our friends. And my girlfriend. AND a very powerful gemstone. Excuse the beaver.
+Raven heads off to the west, taking Wreck, Vultro, and Terry with her. Tracker, Penelope, and Shimmer follow Spark.
 RavenCool: *continues sniffing*
@@ Line 632: / Line 634: @@
 Darkmall: GAAAAHHHH! You annoying pest!!
-(Wreck, now behind Darkmall, punches him directly in the back as he is distracted.)
+Wreck, now behind Darkmall, punches him square in the back.
 Darkmall: AAAHHH!
-Darkmall angrily kicks Vultro off, sending him tumbling into the dirt. He then elbows Wreck, and sweeps his legs out from under him.
+Darkmall angrily kicks Vultro off, sending him slamming into a tree trunk. He then elbows Wreck, and sweeps his legs out from under him.
-Shimmer: Penny, we need to do something!
-Penelope: Shimm, we're not fighters, you know that!
+Darkmall: You're a couple of clever foxes, such a shame you'll both have to die!
-Suddenly a spiked chain flies into Darkmall's neck, as it begins to spark and electrocute him. Darkmall grunts and falls to his knees. In jumps a slender, orange cat wearing some kind of high tech armor.
+Suddenly a spiked chain flies into Darkmall's neck. It begins to spark and electrocute him. Darkmall yells and falls to his knees. In jumps a slender, orange cat wearing high tech armor.
 ???: The name's Sico. You folks in trouble?
@@ Line 648: / Line 648: @@
 Darkmall: *Lifts up head* I…am not…the kind of guy…who falls-- *bzzp* WHO FALLS IN ONE HIT!!!
-Darkmall grabs the spiked chain, yanking it out of his neck. Without any hesitation, he turns and points his hands at Sico.
+Darkmall grabs the spiked chain, yanking it out of his neck. Without any further hesitation, he turns and points his hands at Sico.
 Darkmall: LAYLO AKRANNA!
@@ Line 654: / Line 654: @@
 Sico is hit by a purple blast of magic, knocking him down off of his feet.
-Darkmall: DIVINE... SOLSTICE!
+Darkmall: DIVINE... SOL!
-(Darkmall disappears in a flash of green light)
+Darkmall disappears in a flash of silver light.
 RavenCool: Great. He must be working with the others, he has one of the Sol Emeralds too.
-(RavenCool helps Vultro and Sico back onto their feet. Shimmer and Penelope manage to get Wreck up as well. RavenCool kneels down next to Vultro with a concerned look on her face.)
+RavenCool helps Vultro and Sico back onto their feet. Wreck sits up, holding his head. RavenCool kneels down next to Vultro with a concerned look on her face.
+RavenCool: Fennie... are you okay? Please be okay.
+Vultro: Yes... Raven... I'm... fine. Sico, is it?
-RavenCool: Hey buddy... are you okay? Please be okay.
+Vultro reaches his hand out to shake Sico's.
-Vultro: Yes... Raven... I'm fine. Sico, is it?
+Terry comes out from hiding behind the bushes.
-(Vultro reaches his hand out to shake Sico's)
+Terry: I was too scared to fight, I'm sorry mates...
-Vultro: We're trying to stop a bunch of bad guys who stole some very powerful gems and kidnapped our friends. We could use all the help we can get.
+Vultro: It's ok, Terry. Sico, we're trying to stop a bunch of bad guys who stole some very powerful gems and kidnapped our friends. We could use all the help we can get.
-Sico: I'm sorry, but I have my own problems to deal with right now. I wish I could help, but I can't. I wish you all the best of luck, though. Nice meeting you Vultro.
+Sico: I'm sorry, but I have my own problems to deal with right now. I wish I could help, but I can't. I wish you all the best of luck, though. Nice meeting you all.
-(Sico darts off into the forest.)
+Sico darts off into the forest.
-Wreck: I can't believe this is happening.
+Wreck: Wow. I can't believe this is happening...
 ==The Great Reboot==