This is a direct archive of a fantasy adventure with me and my friend that occurred on 12/13/2020.
- User:Er1c1996 as Remy the Rat
- Jennisora as Garfield, the Almighty Seer of Lasagna
Story
Our story begins with a group of adventurers living in the medieval kingdom of Larion. The kingdom is filled with small villages and thatched cottages and has been relatively peaceful until now. The adventurers are on a quest to find the magical staff of Zalos. They walk through the forest and notice a band of mountain dwarves. The dwarves are friendly and offer them food and drink. Then one of the dwarves turns to them and says: "Welcome to the land of Drozz."
> Remy the Rat says "What is going on here?"
The mountain dwarves grab the adventurers weapons and break them. The adventurers are helpless. They are thrown into a dark, dank cell. They can hear screams all night long.
> Remy the Rat ask Garfield if he has any ideas of how to escape.
Garfield says there's no point in screaming for help, no one will help them. They need to escape on their own. He tells you that he can pick locks with his hairpin.
> Garfield, the Almighty Seer of Lasagna picks lock.
Garfield picks the lock, but a Drozzian guard sees him. The guard stabs Garfield in the throat and he dies instantly.
> Remy the Rat uses his magic ratatouille to bring Garfield back to life.
Your ratatouille spell works, and Garfield lives again. The guard is about to stab him again, but you stop him.
> Remy the Rat turns the knife around and stabs the guard.
The guard falls to the floor, dead. The other guards hear his screams and come to investigate. They see you standing over the dead body of their comrade.
> Garfield, the Almighty Seer of Lasagna gouges the guards' eyes out.
You gouge the guards' eyes out, and he screams in pain. The other guards hear him and run to his location. You and Garfield quickly escape before they arrive.
> Remy the Rat says "Garfield, that was really violent of you..."
Garfield says that he's just trying to survive in this hostile environment.
You and Garfield continue your quest to find the magical staff of Zalos.
> Garfield, the Almighty Seer of Lasagna says "Maybe I should take the lead from here..."
You and Garfield continue your quest to find the magical staff of Zalos.
After a few hours of walking, you come across a campfire. There are two people sitting there; a man and a woman.
> Remy the Rat takes their food, looking for campfire lasagna to give to Garfield.
You take the food, but the man stands up and pulls out a broadsword. "THIEF!" he yells.
> Remy the Rat shoves their food down their throats, trying to choke them.
The man and woman begin to choke; you walk away.
> Garfield, the Almighty Seer of Lasagna kicks sand in the man and woman's faces.
The man and woman fall to the floor, temporarily blinded. You and Garfield take their armor, weapons, and money.
But wait! There's more!
> Remy the Rat also take their brownies for later.
You take the man and woman's brownies. It's not like they're going to miss them.
You continue on your journey and eventually come across a large castle.
> Remy the Rat says "Should we go in?"
You and Garfield decide to enter the castle.
You open the door and find a large dining room. There are three doors in this room, as well as a spiral staircase leading up to a second floor.
> Garfield, the Almighty Seer of Lasagna notices the creepy portraits on the wall staring at they all.
As you and Garfield cross the room, you notice the paintings are moving. They're not real people, just pictures, but they're still making you nervous. You decide to ignore them.
> Remy the Rat tries to ease the tension by joking about the boring decor.
As you walk across the room, you hear loud footsteps coming from one of the doors. A man appears from behind it, dressed in a butler's uniform. He looks very angry.
"Who are you?"
> Garfield, the Almighty Seer of Lasagna announces self.
"My name is Garfield, the all-seeing Seer of Lasagna. I have come here to take what is rightfully mine."
"What you seek is upstairs. He wishes to speak with you."
> Remy the Rat says "Who is "he"?"
"You will see soon enough."
The butler disappears through the door by which he came. You and Garfield head to the staircase, which is on the other side of the room.
> Remy the Rat draw Remy the Rat's sword just in case things get ugly.
Fortunately, nothing happens. You and Garfield enter the next room and find another spiral staircase. As you climb it, you feel as though you are being watched.
> Remy the Rat keeps going.
You and Garfield reach the top of the staircase. There is a door there. You open it and find yourself on the battlements of the castle.
> Remy the Rat before proceeding, try to impress Remy by swallion Remy the Rat's sword.
You put the sword to your throat and pull it towards you. As you do so, a drop of blood appears on your neck. Fortunately, the wound is shallow and your throat isn't slit open.
> Garfield, the Almighty Seer of Lasagna says "what are you doing you idiot, get back to work"
You ignore your bleeding neck and continue onward. After walking for a while, you come across a large group of knights in armor. They are all armed with swords, axes, maces, and various other medieval weapons.
> Garfield, the Almighty Seer of Lasagna says "so where is the guillotine?"
You and Garfield are quickly surrounded. The knights do not attack, however. Instead, one of them steps forward. He is dressed differently from the others. He is wearing plate armor, but painted red.
> Remy the Rat steals his helmet.
You try to grab the helmet, but the knight stops you. He is much stronger than you, and his armor would prevent the helmet from coming off even if you weren't being stopped.
> Remy the Rat throws his emergency pocket sand in the knight's face.
The knight quickly backs away. The other knights do not attempt to stop you, but nobody is in a position to do so in the first place. You grab the knight's helmet and remove it from his head.
> Remy the Rat says "Look Garfield, I got his helmet!"
The knight has dark black hair and a stern face. His eyes are wild and angry, and his brow is furrowed. He does not look pleased.
The knight says "Put me helmet back on now!"
> Garfield, the Almighty Seer of Lasagna bites knight's ankles.
The knight screams in pain and falls to the ground. You and Garfield quickly run past him. You are not sure what to expect next.
> Garfield, the Almighty Seer of Lasagna turns back to see if they are being pursued.
You look back, but see no sign of the knights. You and Garfield continue on.
> Remy the Rat steps on a pressure plate and accidentally triggers the Jay Leno trap.
The ground on which you are standing suddenly tilts at a sharp angle, and you find yourself sliding down a steep slope. You try to grab onto the ground, but it is moving too fast and you cannot keep up. You and Garfield are sent flying off the slide and into a pool of... well, you're not sure what it is. Electricity? Acid? It burns your skin wherever it touches.
> Remy the Rat finds a way out of the stuff.
You swim across the pool. Fortunately, it isn't very deep. On the other side is a tunnel. You and Garfield head down it.
Suddenly, you hear a loud mechanical noise.
> Remy the Rat turns towards the noise.
You turn around, and are just in time to see a heavy metal portcullis coming down at high speed. It hits you on the head and pins you to the ground. You are unable to free yourself.
> Remy the Rat says "Garfield... use your lasagna powers..."
Garfield stares at you blankly. You try to think of something else for him to do, but unfortunately, you come up with nothing.
> Garfield, the Almighty Seer of Lasagna says "I don't know what you expected from me. That's never worked in the past. "
You are crushed by the portcullis.
> Garfield, the Almighty Seer of Lasagna says "this reminds me of a scene from Phantom of the Opera. Maybe if we fall in love with our attackers they will let us go?"
Garfield falls in love with the portcullis.
The portcullis is unimpressed and continues to crush you.
> Remy the Rat try again to seduce the portcullis and free themself.
You scream at the portcullis in a desperate attempt to save yourself. It is not swayed by your charm, and continues to crush you.
You are crushed by the portcullis.
> Remy the Rat says "Guess I'll die."
The portcullis feels pity for you and lowers itself to the ground. You are free!
> Garfield, the Almighty Seer of Lasagna is stunned and jogs nervously away.
You and Garfield continue on your way. You soon find yourself in a large room with a high ceiling. The room is dimly lit, and you can make out a number of doors surrounding you.
> Remy the Rat asks himself what the objective is again, since he doesn't really remember.
You remember that you are supposed to rescue your girlfriend, but you do not remember what she looks like. In fact, you cannot even remember her name. This is rather troubling.
> Garfield, the Almighty Seer of Lasagna remembers his objective is to find John so he can be fed the special lasagna.
You and Garfield search the room for a door that looks promising.
Seeing as there are no doors on the ground level, you decide to take the stairs up to the balcony overlooking the room.
> Garfield, the Almighty Seer of Lasagna says "I hate to say this, but i'm afraid of heights..."
You peer over the railing. There are a number of doors on this floor, but you cannot tell which one leads to your girlfriend.
You turn to head back downstairs, but trip on the first step and fall forward.
> Remy the Rat falls.
You fall and land on the floor of the room. You are alive, but you cannot move. You are paralyzed from the neck down.
> Garfield, the Almighty Seer of Lasagna carries Remy the Rat.
Garfield carries you from the room. None of the doors are open, so he carries you up the stairs to the balcony. He looks around, and sees a door with a pentagram on it.
> Remy the Rat says "That door seems suspiciously evil..."
Garfield opens the door and carries you through it.
Once through the door, they see a long hallway. The floor is red tiling, and the walls are white tile. There are several doors, evenly spaced along the hallway.
Garfield looks at you expectantly.
> Remy the Rat says "What are you looking at me for? I'm paralyzed."
You and Garfield are once again at a loss. You do not know what door to pick.
A sudden noise makes you turn your heads. Somebody is coming down the hall!
"Count Leno..." Remy the Rat whispers to himself.
You see a figure dressed in a black cloak enter the hallway. He approaches slowly, staring at you from under his hooded cloak.
"Hello," the man says in a deep voice.
> Garfield, the Almighty Seer of Lasagna says "I could recognize that chin anywhere..."
You see Count Leno, the man who kidnapped your girlfriend!
"Hello," says the man in the cloak, "Count Leno..."
You cannot believe it!
> Remy the Rat says "I should have known it was you, Leno."
"Thank you," Count Leno says, "I aim to please."
"Let my girlfriend go," you say angrily.
"Sure," Count Leno says, "Which one?"
You are speechless.
> Garfield, the Almighty Seer of Lasagna is not sure which girlfriend Remy is saving so he waits for Remy's response.
"I have your girlfriend," Count Leno says, "if you don't give me the stone."
> Remy the Rat says "Where is John?"
"I don't know," Count Leno smirks, "But I have your girlfriend."
You cannot believe this. You are paralyzed and at the mercy of a vampire!
> Remy the Rat uses his magic ratatouille to un-paralyze himself.
You use your ratatouille. You feel your paralysis wear off.
Count Leno notices this. He growls. "Get him," he snarls, "before he uses it on me."
The Count knows perfectly well that magic ratatouille is his weakness.
You immediately turn and run. You hear Count Leno yelling angrily behind you, and his horde of rats following him.
A rat jumps on your back and bites your neck, causing you to yell in pain.
> Remy the Rat asks Garfield to do something!
You yell for help. The rat on your back sinks its teeth into you again, and you yell in pain. You manage to reach the balcony railing and hoist yourself over it.
> Remy the Rat tell Garfield if he helps out, Remy the Rat will give him the secret lasagna.
"Garfield," you say, "if you help out, I will give you my secret lasagna recipe."
The half-blind, lazy Garfield smacks the rat attacking you aside.
> Garfield, the Almighty Seer of Lasagna says "I don't need secret lasagna. Only special lasagna. But I still have your back!"
You and Garfield manage to defeat all of Count Leno's horde of rats. You and he look at each other, panting.
> Remy the Rat says "We have to get the Count to eat this ratatouille. It's the only way to defeat him."
"I'm not feeding him ratatouille," you say.
Count Leno enters the room, looking angrier than ever. "The rats failed me...
> Remy the Rat remembers Count Leno's other weakness: telling bad jokes.
"Your jokes are terrible," you say.
"Terrible?" Count Leno says, "My jokes are awesome! So... a ghost walks into a wall. Get it? Because it's invisible and..."
> Remy the Rat sneaks behind Leno while he's telling his jokes.
While Count Leno drones on and on about his great sense of humor, you creep behind him. You grab the ratatouille from your bag and lift it above Count Leno's head.
> Garfield, the Almighty Seer of Lasagna leaps towards Count Leno's face and holds him nosed closed, forcing him to open his mouth wide.
You drop the ratatouille into Leno's mouth. He begins to choke on it and gasp for breath, but you and Garfield both grab his cheeks and squeeze his mouth shut.
> Remy the Rat watches as the ratatouille vaporizes Leno.
Count Leno's body begins to shrivel and dry up. He looks a hundred years older in a matter of seconds.
> Remy the Rat says "You've told your last joke, Leno."
Count Leno's body turns to dust.
> Remy the Rat goes back upstairs and looks for where his girlfriend and John are being held.
You see a small wooden door to your left. It looks like a broom closet.
Or, you could try the front door.
> Remy the Rat says "It's never the obvious choice."
You open the broom closet door.
It's pitch black inside.
"Hello?" you say. "Is anyone in there?"
Suddenly, a hand reaches out and grabs your wrist.
> Remy the Rat resists the pull, instead pulling the figure out of the closet with him.
It's your friend, John!
"I'm so glad to see you," John says.
Garfield seems disinterested, only caring about when he will get his special lasagna.
"I'm glad to see you, too," you say. "But how did you get in this state?"
John looks down at himself. He is a ghostly white, and transparent.
> Remy the Rat says "Did Count Leno do this?"
"Yes," John says. "He trapped me in his broom closet and tried to scare me to death."
> Remy the Rat says "I think it worked."
"Oh, ha ha," John says.
"Let's go save your girlfriend," you say, and open the front door.
You and John sneak into the foyer, and then into the great room.
> Remy the Rat goes back and drags Garfield along.
As you leave, you hear a rumbling snore from upstairs.
John turns to you. "What was that?"
You shrug. "I dunno."
You continue sneaking through the great room.
> Remy the Rat says "We have to be careful, Jay Leno has many friends and minions that could be sneaking around here."
"Like who?" John asks.
"Like the people who tried to scare you to death," you remind him.
You and John sneak around the great room, looking for clues as to where your friends might be.Suddenly, a loud voice fills the room.
"Who dares invade the castle of Count Bunibili?" the voice says.
You look around for the source of the voice.You see a staircase in the great room.
"I think I hear something," John says.
You hear a sound like piano music coming from upstairs.
> Garfield, the Almighty Seer of Lasagna says "Ah, classic Debussy. But who is playing? Remy, does your girlfriend play piano?"
You shake your head. "I have no idea."
You and John creep upstairs, towards the music.
You look around the upstairs landing and see several doors.
> Remy the Rat goes towards the sound of the piano.
As you go towards the sound of the piano, the ghostly figures of several women appear, blocking your way.
"You can't escape us," they say, in unison.
> Remy the Rat ignores them and continues on.
You try to get around the ghostly figures, but they grab your shirt and hold on tight.
"We will never let you go," they say.
> Remy the Rat asks ghost John to reason with the ghost women.
"Please let us through," John says.
The ghost women look at him, frowning.
"He's with you?" one of the ghost women ask you.
You nod.
"If he means that much to you, then we'll let you through," the ghost woman says.
You and John sneak past the ghost women.
You hear the piano music getting louder.
> Remy the Rat finally finds the room from which the piano is coming from.
You and John find yourself in a dimly lit room. A young woman with long blonde hair is playing the piano, dressed in a night gown. She is surrounded by floating candles.
"Hello,"
> Remy the Rat says "Taylor Swift?"
The woman turns around. She is in her early twenties, with long blonde hair and fair skin. She has a thin, angular face, with light blue eyes. Her eyes remind you of someone you know.
> Remy the Rat says "What are you doing here Taylor?"
"I could ask you guys the same question," she says.
"We're here to rescue you, silly," you say. "Who are you?"
"I'm Taylor Swift."
"The singer?" John asks.
"Yes," she says, looking at John. She then looks at you. "I know you. You're...Remy, right?"
> Remy the Rat says "Yes"
"I love your movies," she says.
"Thanks," you say. "Can you walk?"
"I can," she says, "but these ghosts won't let me."
> Remy the Rat says "Our friend John is a ghost, maybe he can reason with them."
"I'll try," John says.
"What?" you ask, shocked.
"You're a ghost too, I don't think they'll listen to me," John says.
> Remy the Rat tries to escape with the ghost Taylor Swift.
"Let's get out of here," you say to John.
"What about her?" John asks, pointing at Taylor Swift.
> Remy the Rat says "Taylor, you want to come with us?"
"No, I like it here. These ghosts haven't hurt me or anything," she says. "I'm actually really comfortable right now, thanks for asking."
> Remy the Rat decides they should probably find his girlfriend so they can leave once and for all.
"We need to find Melia," you say. "She's probably still looking for me."
"What if she got killed like the others?" John asks.
> Remy the Rat says "We have to find her either way."
"Fine," John says, and the two of you leave the room.
You and John creep through the house.
"Do you hear that?" John asks.
> Remy the Rat says "Wait... where's Garfield?"
"I don't know," you say, "but I do hear some whimpering. There, in the parlor."
You and John walk into the room. There is a hole in the wall.
> Remy the Rat inspects the hole in the wall, seeing Garfield laying down inside of it.
You crawl through the hole in the wall, finding yourself in a small space with hay on the floor. You see Garfield lying there, whimpering.
> Remy the Rat says "You okay, buddy?"
You walk over to him and try to pet him, but you pass right through him. You are shocked when he does the same to you.
"What the fuck?"
> Remy the Rat says "What happened???"
"I was in the dining room trying to find lasagna," Garfield says. "Then, all of a sudden my body started to feel really weird. Like I was getting stretched out. Then I walked through the wall and ended up here."
"That's exactly what happened to me," said John.
You hear a familiar voice come from behind you. "Remy?"
You turn around, and see your girlfriend.
"Oh my god, Melia!" you say, hugging her.
Melia hugs you back. "I'm so glad you're here.
> Garfield, the Almighty Seer of Lasagna nuzzles Melia and starts to purr.
"Aww, he likes you," you say.
"I like him," Melia says, giving Garfield some strokes.
"So, what happened with you guys?" Melia asks.
> Remy the Rat says "We were here to save you? But you seem totally okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," Melia says. "I was able to get out of the basement pretty quickly."
"But they killed all of my friends!" you say.
"What?"
> Remy the Rat points to John and Garfield, who are both ghosts.
"What the...?" Melia says, looking at the ghosts. "I thought ghosts were transparent."
> Remy the Rat says "Sometimes."
"I don't get it," you say.
"I do," says Melia. "This is what happens in the new Friday the 13th movies."
> Remy the Rat goes back upstairs to find Taylor Swift and bring her along as you all leave the castle.
You, Melia and your ghost friends all walk out of the castle together.
"I'm never going back there," you say.
"Me neither," says Melia.
> Remy the Rat asks Taylor if she wrote any songs while she was trapped in there.
"I sure did," says Swift, who begins singing about her experience being trapped in a basement and almost getting killed.
You and Melia listen intently to the song.
"It's a hit,"
> Remy the Rat says "What's it called?"
"In the Basement," says Swift.
"Nice," you say.
You look at Melia, who smiles at you.
> Remy the Rat asks Taylor Swift to tell they all some of the lyrics to In the Basement.
"Sure! It goes a little something like this..."
I was only fifteen
And you were so bold
Telling me that we'd be together forever
But now you're gone
Gone forevermore
And I can't believe that you're gone
Forever
> Remy the Rat says "What does it have to do with The Basement?"
"The basement is where I was held up. It's all in the song."
> Remy the Rat says "Keep singing it!"
Well, I made a map
Of the castle's layout
When I was young and got lost in it's halls
And I saw a man
Who wasn't there at last glance
And the ghosts still walk
All through these walls
It's best that you just not mess with them at all
For their anger is strong
And if you awaken them, well...
You won't like what you'll see
Just turn around and you'll be free
From The Basement
Oh, The Basement
Just turn around and you'll be free...
Thanks to the ghosts in that Castle, I almost met my doom
There's a creature down there
And it ain't too keen
On me logging in these woods
So if you're looking for trouble
Go
> Remy the Rat says "That was beautiful."
"Thanks," says Swift. "I guess I should be going."
"Yeah, we should all be getting home," you say.
"I guess this is goodbye," Melia says to you, softly.
> Remy the Rat says "Wait Melia, where are you going?"
"I'm moving in with my boyfriend," she says. "It was nice meeting you all."
"Yeah, see you later, Melia," you say.
Melia heads off to her house.
> Garfield, the Almighty Seer of Lasagna awkwardly makes eye contact with John, hoping he will guide them home to make the special lasagna.
"OK," says John, taking control of Garfield. "Let's go."
You all walk home in silence.
> Remy the Rat waits for John to cook up his special lasagna. He knows it will never be as good as Remy the Rat's secret lasagna recipe though.
When you get home, John takes a large cauldron out of his pocket and begins to make a lasagna.
"It's my mom's secret recipe," he says.
"That's great,"
> Remy the Rat cries into the lasagna, having lost Melia.
You wait patiently for the lasagna to finish cooking. After what seems like several hours, it's ready.
"This is the best lasagna I've ever had,"
> Garfield, the Almighty Seer of Lasagna drools in delight.
"That's great," you say.
You all begin to eat the lasagna. It's delicious.
"I'm full,"
> Garfield, the Almighty Seer of Lasagna feels his secret powers finally coming alive.
As your stomach begins to bulge, you begin to feel more and more powerful. Soon, you'll be a match for any of those stupid teenagers.
"I have to go to bed,"
"OK,"
> Remy the Rat says "Don't you want these brownies from earlier first?"
"No, I'm too full," you say.
"OK," says John.
You go up to your room and fall asleep.
The story ends, but not really since Remy is still in eternal pain over the loss of Melia.
THE END